Someone stole my design studio

I chose to remain the victim

On July 9, 2025, I woke up in my cozy apartment, walked to the kitchen where freshly brewed coffee was already waiting for me—my wife had taken care of it. It was an iced coffee tonic.

I immediately sat down at the table with it, opened my laptop to check emails and messengers. Usually, 1-2 messages arrive overnight that I respond to as soon as I wake up.

And I saw a message that made everything inside me clench.

Part 1: The Theft

The message said that my business, my design studio DELO, was no longer mine. That all employees and all clients had been notified. As proof, the thief sent screenshots of correspondence with clients. In them, it said that I had tried to illegally seize the business, that I had threatened and extorted, that I was planning to send slanderous false messages, so they should be prepared for this.

The main page of my design studio

But most important — the threat. If I tried to contact clients, it would be a lawsuit. If I tried to communicate with designers, it would be a lawsuit. If I tried to tell anyone publicly, it would be a lawsuit.

I said she should stop this immediately. That I was ready for discussions, that we should go to a mediator. The response was unequivocal: “no,” communication only through lawyers and email.

A quick check of the law firm’s website showed that this was a firm specializing in gray-area hostile takeovers.

That’s when I understood something irreparable had happened.

Part 2: Reaction

I started calling lawyers, started writing to designers, started trying to log into accounts to save or extract something. All passwords had been changed, designers didn’t understand what was happening and asked us to resolve the conflict ourselves, and lawyers, looking at how my business was structured, unanimously said my position was hopeless.

How exactly it was structured, why it turned out this way — I’ll explain a bit later. For now, I’ll talk about the reaction.

I cried, was terribly angry, didn’t understand what to do or how this was even possible.

What I felt at that moment:

1. They took away the work of my entire life.

2. This was done by Ksenia, my close friend, my partner for many years, my ex-wife. This was terrible betrayal.

3. I now have nothing to live on. I have a small child, I rent an apartment, my wife doesn’t work. And all my money, and all my income — was the design studio.

When I saw some people supporting Ksenia, I simply didn’t understand how this was possible. After all, the situation was completely black and white. I’m the victim, she’s the aggressor. I’m the one who suffered and lost absolutely everything from her actions, and she’s ruthless and immoral.

Ksenia Kuznetsova

Part 3: Background

Ksenia is my ex-wife. We were together for 12 years. But we separated 3 years ago, but remained good friends and business partners. She once owned 30% of my design studio, but several months ago I bought out that 30% and became the sole owner of the studio.

Ksenia and I are getting ready for Halloween 2020

I organized the studio itself with a Partner in 2019. Over time, the partner and I went our separate ways, but remained on friendly terms.

The studio’s first months. We went to Seoul with friends and colleagues. I took this photo of my studio partner photographing Ksenia, who wasn’t working for us yet.

Recently, Ksenia’s work had noticeably deteriorated, and after several attempts to fix the situation, I made the difficult decision to fire her. And in response to being fired, she orchestrated a takeover of the studio.

Emotionally, this was devastating. I couldn’t cope with the emotions. I was overcome with terrible anger. I tried to find ways to punish her legally, to ruin her life, or at least prevent her from enjoying the benefits of my work.

Left completely without money, I borrowed to pay apartment rent, while she was withdrawing huge amounts of money, buying new equipment, traveling, and all this in the first two months after the takeover.

Part 4: Stoicism vs. Employee

In early November, despair and anger swept over me again. Over the past months, I had already spent quite a lot of money on attorneys and lawyers. But all cases were stalled and it didn’t seem like they would lead anywhere soon.

But the trigger was a conversation with one of the former employees. She had unequivocally been on my side, but after talking with Ksenia, she started saying she believed her and supported her. I felt bad and heavy from this, and I was looking for a way to cope with emotions.

And I decided to ask AI about a practice I had heard about before. In Stoicism, there’s a principle — separate facts from interpretations, because it’s interpretations that bring suffering, and facts can either be influenced or not.

And I tried to understand how I was interpreting the situation with the conversation with the former employee:

• She betrayed me

• She supports absolute evil

• This devalues my position (my interpretation)

Although in fact, she simply changed her mind. This is a fact, it happened, and I can’t influence it. But I can influence the interpretation. And what’s the most realistic interpretation in this case?

• She’s taking care of herself, which is logical

• It’s important for her to keep her job

• To keep her job, she has to find justifications

• She’s choosing the path of least resistance and least suffering

• She doesn’t want to get involved in other people’s conflicts

And this interpretation completely removed my resentment toward the employee. Moreover, I felt that I understood her and didn’t judge her. I would never have done it myself, but people are different, and I can’t judge her for her choice.

This simple exercise brought me incredible relief.

Part 5: Stoicism vs. Victimhood

I wanted to try applying the method to the entire global situation. Try to describe the facts as they are, separate them from interpretations, and try to find the most logical, non-emotional interpretation of what happened.

The result exceeded all expectations. I uncovered a whole layer of self-deception and was very surprised at how my brain works. How easily I—a seemingly conscious, experienced person whose profession is to work with behavior, understand it, understand causes, consequences—so easily succumbed to cognitive distortions and drowned in them.

“They stole the work of my life, I lost everything. And it was done by a very close person”—bullshit that delivers me a pile of unpleasant emotions.

What actually happened—they stole not the most emotionally important thing to me. And it was done by a person I hadn’t trusted before. And it happened partly because I, first, stupidly created such a possibility structurally, and second, I communicated poorly, used pressure in discussing important issues with Ksenia.

This doesn’t negate the fact that they seized what I made, what I developed. What was mine, and what brought me money. They did it without having any moral right to do so. Because even if you look at all my mistakes, which I can see much better now, this isn’t justification for taking someone else’s property.

Because the facts haven’t changed—this was my studio. Partially, it was once 30% Ksenia’s property. And I had 30% in her business. Now when she has 100% of both, and all the money—this can’t be justified by anything. This isn’t even close to a fair resolution of the situation. And it was done by force.

This is an important clarification, so it’s clear that I’m not trying to justify Ksenia or blame myself. I just want to directly and honestly reveal my motives when they became better visible to me.

Now more details about three facts:

1. I wanted to close the studio.

2. I was wary and didn’t trust Ksenia.

3. I conducted negotiations with pressure, and legally organized the business in a fragile way.

They’ll help explain how and why I fell into this trap.

The first fact — I wanted to close the studio. And I even made that decision.

• Reason 1: Designers hadn’t developed for many years. I tried different approaches, but saw that people were comfortable in their comfort zone, and the core of the studio was juniors with experience of almost a decade.

• Reason 2: Clients and boring tasks. At some point, we stopped being trusted with creative tasks. We turned into executors of routine. Endless presentations and template landing pages. We used to communicate with top people, cool guys, but became dealing with local petty project managers of lower rank.

• Reason 3: Money. The studio was low-margin. It worked either at break-even, or at a small plus, and sometimes at a small minus. And there was a clear trend—I actively engage in the studio, profit grows. I find a manager or operations director, literally a month later the trend changes and profitability goes into the red.

It got to the point where I couldn’t entrust my own studio with design for my other projects!

I did it myself or found freelancers. When I started entering the Western market, the studio couldn’t handle almost anything that went beyond the usual framework.

Designers hardly saw me in recent months because I had decided to close the studio and was preparing to build a new studio.

But Daria convinced me otherwise.

An auditor I hired to assess the state of processes and the studio. She convinced me that the studio should be kept. That it could work as a small, non-creative, but factory. I agreed to keep the studio, and the plan for preservation was to fire only one person: the only one from whom there was direct financial and reputational harm — Ksenia. And hire an operations director to manage processes.

The essence of my self-deception: “the studio is the result of my work as a designer for 20 years (which is true). This is all my experience, and it was taken from me. They took me from me.” Although in fact, they stole just a “machine” from me that I was going to sell for about $30-45k, and which I didn’t use.

This is still a large sum, and it doesn’t negate that it was mine, and it was forcibly taken from me without having the right to do so.

The second fact — Ksenia was not a close person to me. Ksenia is my ex-wife. We were together for 12 years. In my public statements after the takeover, I called her a close friend, an important person to me.

Ksenia and I were together about 10 years ago.

The truth is that we weren’t close friends. I didn’t trust her with anything personal. And her company with girlfriends (who partially helped with the takeover) we jokingly called “the tangle” with friends, meaning a snake nest.

Maintaining a relationship with her was an obligation I imposed on myself. Since we work together, since we have such a long past. In fact, every hangout with friends — we invite everyone, but check if there are those who have a conflict with “the tangle,” or who can’t stand them, or if we ourselves don’t want to see them now. And then how to organize it so as not to invite them and not offend them.

Sorry for opening up personal attitude. This is just a subjective assessment. But it consists in the fact that I considered Ksenia not a very ethical and not a very smart person.

We were very different people, with different value systems, with different norms, and with different interests to the extent that I simply didn’t understand her. Even when we separated as a couple a few years ago — I didn’t suffer a single minute. For me there was one emotion—huge relief. And now, when I no longer need to communicate with her, I feel a similar emotion — relief.

That is, this wasn’t a betrayal from a close person that destroyed faith in people. This was an attack from a person I didn’t consider a friend, whom I didn’t trust, and whom I even slightly feared, knowing she wasn’t very ethical.

Here the mental gymnastics is very similar — to connect the past, many years, past closeness, and say that this situation destroyed all this. It’s not so. Nothing was destroyed, because nothing of this existed for a long time.

Here are two facts that make me ashamed of the position: “They stole the work of my life, I lost everything. And it was done by a very close person.” Because in fact, they only stole money from me. And emotionally this isn’t even close to being as important.

But if these two truths are more or less comfortable to admit. Because they kind of put me above the situation. To the position where I was before the seizure of my business, and from which I emotionally slipped into the position of victim.

But there’s a third part, more unpleasant and uncomfortable to admit.

It consists in the fact that I pressured Ksenia in dialogues with her. And justifying myself with “She started it first” or “only this worked” — isn’t right. One aggression can’t be justification for another (if it’s not self-defense). And my way of talking to her wasn’t self-defense. It was a pattern developed over 3 years.

Instead of explaining what was happening, discussing until consensus, at some point I became lazy because I encountered resistance, resentment, aggression, and it just became too lazy to spend so much time on it.

Especially since a pattern was found that worked very well for Ksenia — write a big message, 80% praise, and the last 20% is a tough and direct instruction on what needs to be done.

Yes, this doesn’t negate the fact that Ksenia constantly made personal attacks, constantly provoked conflicts, and actually this pattern appeared in me to avoid these conflicts.

But this is my choice. I needed to continue trying to talk adequately despite the difficulties, or to part ways if I wasn’t ready for difficulties.

And by my actions, I swept dust under the rug, and this accumulated, first, tension, and second, her misunderstanding of what and why I was doing.

When this started to interfere — instead of trying to solve it, I hired an external person to figure it out for me. Which of course is impossible, and only made the situation worse.

When I bought out Ksenia’s share, I wrote with pressure, like “the issue is decided, we’re only discussing details,” although I had no right to do so.

In fact — if something didn’t suit her, I discussed and looked for a solution that would suit everyone. But the very beginning of the dialogue was such that she can now easily use it against me (and is using it, which is logical). And although we both know that in fact it wasn’t so, in form it was exactly so from my side.

This doesn’t negate the fact that I actually bought her share, and it was mutual agreement, and by mutual agreements we moved from partnership relations to the employer/employee plane. If she considered exactly this moment unfair, then having her leverage, she could have taken back her 30%, giving me back 30% in another business that I gave her as payment. Of course, she took 100% of both without offering any compensation, so this isn’t a dispute, but a unilateral seizure.

But the main trouble was during the firing. I wrote a long and polite message, offered my (in my opinion good) conditions, and said I was ready to discuss everything. Ksenia immediately went into conflict, started demanding urgent return of a personal loan, and on the call hinted at a threat, quote: “you’re taking a risk because everything is registered in my name.”

To her first attack, I refuse to talk to her on the phone and said now decide everything in text. To her second attack, I worsened the offered conditions. To her third attack, I set a deadline of one week. That is, in response to her conflict and pressure, I went with counter-pressure.

Which, considering these 4 points, is complete stupidity: 1 - I knew she couldn’t be trusted 2 - Contracts are concluded in her name 3 - Her IP is the main wallet of the firm 4 - She has communication with the two most lucrative clients

I continued to say I was ready to discuss details and was willing to receive her version of the document. That is, I was still for resolving all issues and finding mutual agreement. At the same time, I don’t deny (now) that I responded rudely and didn’t help reduce the degree of tension. And in response to this, she used leverage and seized my asset.

The fact that I valued this asset as unpromising doesn’t negate that it was mine, I created and developed it, and it was worth millions of rubles.

Part 6: The Real Causes of Suffering

And looking at all this, and suddenly digging up this recognition of these three facts in myself, I asked myself questions:

• Why was this such a strong emotional blow for me?

• Why did I sink into the position of victim?

• Why did I believe in the value of people and the studio for myself, although the day before the seizure I didn’t think so?

I think I figured it out, and this is where I started the post: This was my zone of control for many years. I created it, developed it, and managed it. And when control leaves, it creates enormous emotional tension. The brain looks for any ways to return control to itself. In my case, the position of victim is the brain’s way of returning at least something, returning control over the narrative.

I calmly communicated with outside people. But with people from the common circle with Ksenia, with former employees, I couldn’t communicate without emotions. All conversations, all thoughts came down to the fact that I’m a pure victim. Almost a saint in my innocence and altruism.

“And there’s no right or wrong side here and there can’t be another opinion. Either you’re for evil, or for me.” I don’t understand how I didn’t see that something was wrong with this. Because now it seems obvious.

To make it clearer where the evil was, the brain escalated this to the limit. And I believed that the aggressor isn’t just an aggressor, it’s a person who betrayed me, destroyed my life, took away my identity. And in such an interpretation, of course, the question logically arises: How can you be on the side of pure evil?

That’s why I think revenge films always end with the avenger feeling emptiness. Because the emotional desire is satisfied, you seem to have gotten satisfaction. But in fact, the control you lost hasn’t returned to you. And the consequences haven’t disappeared.

It’s absurd that with my victim position, I elevated the thieves to a pedestal. I talked about their incredible importance, emphasizing my victimhood, and thereby as if creating an image of important people for them, and for the studio an image of a cool business. Although my opinion was completely different literally the day before the seizure.

This isn’t an attempt to diminish anyone, I’m only talking about how I perceived these people and how I perceived this business. And all this was public, in discussions, with lots of witnesses. But for some reason, I preferred to hide it from myself (until yesterday).

This doesn’t negate the fact that my asset was stolen, and I’ll seek fair legal punishment.

But this changes my emotional attitude toward myself in this situation. From a person from whom everything was taken and who is traumatized and trampled, I suddenly became a person for whom nothing changed, except that his “bag” with honestly earned money was stolen.

From a saintly victim of betrayal, I turned into a far from ideal entrepreneur and partner, who with his weaknesses and mistakes created an opportunity for a person to manifest themselves in the worst way.

But, as we remember, a bad lock isn’t justification for barn robbers. A short skirt isn’t justification for a rapist. My mistakes in communication and my plans for closure aren’t justification for seizing my assets and money.

Part 7: Conclusions

About a week has passed since this realization.

I haven’t experienced strong negative emotions once during this time. Even where I used to experience them very clearly. Even when I wrote this text, I wrote it very calmly.

And most importantly, pride and composure returned to me. I stopped jerking around about this, stopped trying to influence people, which looked pathetic in places.

Pride in the sense that this is a fact — all the important decisions that created the studio were made by me. The entire client base is the result of my work and my reputation. The uniqueness of approaches was built only on my knowledge. And when I started devoting less time, the approaches stayed with me and evaporated from the studio.

It was I who communicated with the best designers in the world, it was I who taught design at college, it was I who trained designers in the studio, it was my posts about design that were reposted by designers from Apple, bestselling authors (Brad Frost, Harry Brignull), it’s me whom thousands of designers are grateful to for helping them understand the deep meaning of design through my YouTube channel.

Sorry for self-praise. I’m sure there are many such cool people among you too. But I realized that among the remaining studio employees, there are none. Ksenia, who stole the studio, didn’t come close to any of these points.

And for me, the studio isn’t the first, and far from the largest, of my businesses. I launched a startup, attracted investment, and sold it for big money. I launched local IT communities that gained tens of thousands of participants. I helped the IT infrastructure of entire states (albeit small ones, like Kyrgyzstan). All of this was bigger and more ambitious, and the studio is one of the relatively unsuccessful experiments that hung on me like an anchor and prevented me from moving forward.

Epilogue

My wife Alina, son Yan, and me — moving forward. No obstacles. No anchors. Just grocery bags and mountains (legendary Mount Kazbek).

With love,
Ilia